So, here it is: I am a record-keeper. I don't keep records with the intention of using them later or measuring tit for tat. I just always like for things to be "fair". However, God is showing me that it is IMPOSSIBLE (for me, at least--I can not speak for everyone) to keep track of everything and serve whole-heartedly and joyfully at the same time.
For example, a couple of weeks ago, Matt was exhausted. He had every right to be exhausted--we live a crazy busy life. So I told him to just take a few days to relax and not worry about anything. Silly him--he listened. The first two days, I was a good joyful wife. Day three, on the other hand, I mentally pulled my list of all that I had been doing and all that he had not been doing (again...because I told him not to) and started to feel a little bit of resentment. Then...a little frustrated....and it just grew and grew until I was no longer joyful. I was grouchy.
How crazy is that? I tell him to relax and take a break...after all I take girl's night and he watched the kids so I could do a girl's weekend--he definitely DESERVED some rest. But my constant need to mentally keep track of things got in the way of me being able to joyfully serve. This is just one example. I won't list them all--you don't want to take the hours it would take to read them and I don't want to look like the stinker I can be sometimes.
Bottom line, one thing that God has really been telling me to work on (persistently I might add) is STOP keeping records--do it with a joyful heart regardless of what the other person is doing. Don't ask the questions:
- Shouldn't he or she? (The answer is probably yes.)
- Don't I have the right? (Probably without a doubt.)
Instead focus on "Why should I"...because it is God wants you to do. Trust me, there really is no disputing this logic. I have tried.
Whew--that was really easy to type. Too bad I have been failing at every day for six weeks now. Haha. I am improving though! (most days)